Bittersweet Fridays!

Today is Friday 26th February 2009.

Today my adorable baby boy Advait is 2 weeks old and has already settled into our heart and our lives like he was there forever.

Today is also 2 months since Appa left us. 7 exact weeks after he died my baby boy blue came smiling into this world. Those 7 weeks started at a very horrible low and ended with love and hope with Advait entering our lives.

And every Friday now, starts with my recalling the weeks that have passed since both events happened... Fridays will never be the same, especially this year!

I don't really know about time and wounds healing being true as yet as I fluctuate between being philosophical and still in denial about my dad.... And everytime I speak to N about him, he consoles me by insisting that Addie (blame my cousin AK for the nick that has stuck!!) will fulfil Appa's unfulfilled dreams.

Thats a tall order to follow Addie... your grandpa was a special person with loads of capacity to love.... I wish you luck!

Facebook v/s Orkut

I rediscovered Facebook today after just adding on a profile and sending the random greetings all this while. I have been using ORKUT all this while, but man, FB is so much cooler! So now, its tata ORKUT, hello Facebook!

The fb interface is far more fun and you can keep tabs on whats happening with everyone so much easier!

My world last weekend

Today started with Monday morning blues for Anan at school. The minute she starts asking why she needs to go to school, red warning alerts start sounding in our heads. Had to coax, cajole and almost threaten her at the school gate before she went in. Poor thing, she has so much more fun, exposure, attention and stimulation at home that I can imagine the school, as good as it is, doesn't stand a chance!

So what did we do last weekend? All three of us went for a sleepover to Srid's place in Thiruvanmiyur primarily to give the in-laws a break...from all of us. Had nice yummy dinner, played Monopoly, and slept late just to be woken up by the sun rays glaring thru the east facing windows at an ungodly hour of the morning. Wish I had the foresight to darken the room before going to bed. But fresh air nut that I am, it would have been impossible to close all avenues of oxygen!!! Anan, who was initially miffed that her boring parents were intruding in her space by coming along for the sleepover to athai's place, decided to sleep between Srid and Rags, to give the sleepover the authenticity we disrupted!!!

I slept most of Sunday, haven't slept so long in forever- slept for 2 hours after every few hours and woke up wide awake at 6 pm ready to paint the town red!!

Been planning to watch Abhiyum Naanum for a while.. actually we plan each evening, but never end up going. Aishwarya, who plays Trisha's mom in the movie was N's classmate at school eons ago.

Need to actually start buying stuff for the baby, but my mind is totally fuzzy and I haven't a clue where to begin! Sigh!!!!!

Bump tales

Chatted this morning with a close friend of mine, who is a few weeks ahead of me in the preg calendar... lucky her! She is almost due anyday now.

I was so kicked about the lack of MS (for the un-initiated, morning sickness) the first two trimesters, that my morning rushed run to the sink is quite the anti-climax. Unfortunately this also seems to coincide with the same time Anan brushes her teeth. Poor child! I hope I have not put her off pregnancy- she finds its alternately revolting and pitiable! And has decided that kickoo baby, as she has named her sibling, is solely responsible by kicking away all the time! And Anan in mummy's tummy was ladoo baby.

Time for a bit of a moan- about the swollen feet and hands and bump and everything else... about the back ache and sleeplessness and crankyness and moodiness and about wearing the ugliest, shapeless clothes every designed!

I have this sudden craving for thin crust pizza and a yummy pastry... hmm I need to convince N to tag along ..RIGHT NOW!!!

Marina scape

N and I went a little early for our walk in Marina last evening. Instead of our usual post-prandial stroll, we went around 7.30 pm. Surprisingly for a weekday, the beach- from Gandhi statue till the lighthouse, was moderately crowded..... with..... COUPLES only!!! No kidding, about 90% of the beach junta were made up of couples all at discreet intervals and in their own world and enjoying their apparent privacy.

We were the odd couple out, with me and my bump waddling and N playing with his new Blackberry Storm, but also enjoying our private time together.

If anyone is interested, not sure this latest Blackberry is creating any sort of a Storm as the keyboard isn't the greatest. Its almost like the i-phone and annoying for people without the slenderest fingers, which would account for most of the world I guess!

A spiritual sojourn

I wouldn't describe myself as particularly religious... or maybe actually ritualistic. But one thing I have appreciated in the past, and earlier this week was the 2 day trip to Guruvayoor. I find that I feel very peaceful in this particular temple, inspite of whatever is happening around. Also, I appreciate most things Keralite, like the food, the scenery and their traditional clothes- simple whites with a gentle border. We got Anan a paavadai in white with a gold border... which surprisingly she seems to have forgotten about, otherwise, it would have already become a brown/off white paavadai with gold border.

Anan, with the in-laws visited the elephant sanctuary at Punnathur Kotta, which is about 3 Km south of Guruvayoor temple. There are about 50 elephants there and she had the most fun ever watching them getting a bath and seeing the baby elephants eat. This is also the closest she has ever been to an animal.

After the trip, she informed me very seriously that she only saw boy elephants. When I asked her how she knew that, condescendingly she said, "Amma, all the elephants there had tusks, and only boy elephants have tusks, not girl elephants... didn't you know that?" No, my baby, I didn't. Looks like there are going to be lots of things you have to teach me now...

This visit is of particular importance to me as I marked off a month since Appa died. And it felt quite right to pray to a god he was named after.... Krishna. Still missing you dad.....

Tears in heaven......

It is 28 days since Dad left us. The longing, sadness and regrets remain. My baby kicking constantly inside me teaches me about life and living..... as I lose a loved one, there is another one, waiting to brighten our lives... lifting us out of this dark abyss...making us believe in miracles all over again.

Some of the nicest memories of dad have been shared by his friends from his college- both IIT and IIM... I didnt know till now that he was called Pacha back in college, I always thought of him as Partha... His IIT classmates instituted an award in his name- a cash prize of Rs. 50,000 to be given annually through ENVIKAL to a teacher from the govt. school they sponser in Taramani.

Another classmate, sent this pic of dad from his IIT days, probably from an ID card.

For dad, a couple of lines from the very famous Eric Clapton song, Tears in Heaven....

Beyond the door

There's peace I'm sure.

And I know there'll be no more...

Tears in heaven

Anan-isms 1

Its really funny how Anan uses logic to her advantage.

According to her world view, when someone wants a baby, they get married. So when amma and appa wanted a princess, they found each other, got married and Anan was born. So far so good! This story lasted till we told her she was going to have a sibling. Her immediate next thought was- when amma didn't marry again, how could the baby be born? So we muddled along and tried to convince her that that theory held true for only the first baby.

Sshe has also decided that when she grows up, she will only marry her dad ( as long as he doesn't grow old like her thatha) so that she can continue to live with her parents - she is definitely clear she does not want to leave her home. So when I asked her, what about when she wants a baby, pat came the reply- amma, this baby that is in your tummy, that is actually my baby. When I grow up, I will be its mummy!!

My Daddy Strongest!

A year ago, I wrote about how my grandfather's death was extremely upsetting and took me a while to get over it. I can't even believe how naive I was in imagining it to be the worst experience of my life...

A year later, I am unable to even frame my thoughts as I try to get over the sudden death of my dad! My father, and not alive anymore?????? Can it even be possible? Though I was there holding on as his harsh breathing gave way to an eerie silence.... and my part of the world that comprised my parents, sister and me and all our memories just toppled!

I must have been 4 when I remember insisting we walk to the local train station though my parents wanted to take an auto... My dad, good naturedly would grumble saying that 5 mins after we started on our way, I would started moaning about my legs hurting and he would have to carry me all the way. Despite my promises about walking by myself, his prediction would come true and I would be hoisted on his strong broad shoulders! This episode was to be repeated most weekends for a few years till we bought our car! And now, years later, I get the strongest feeling of deja vu each time this story is played out again, only this time by my daughter and husband!

I have had the support of those same broad shoulders throughout my life literally and figuratively, even after his paralytic stroke 4 years ago paralysed his left side. He fought the doctor's grim prognosis and was on his feet in no time, proving where there is a will, there is most definitely a way.

I am most definitely going to miss him, as will my sister and mum.... and all of us for different reasons. He was definitely the rock of the family and his untimely, unwarranted departure from our lives leaves a wound that hopefully only time will soothe away.

Growing up 1

Just found an old drawing of Anan's which she did at 3 1/2 yrs.

Its a picture of Amma, Appa and Anan at the park, with Anan sitting on Appa's back! I remember us being stunned at her portrayal of the scene and being very proud of her. Less than 2 years down the line, her drawings have become very refined and creative. Looks like she definitely has a good share of the artistic gene from her paternal thatha!