Mothering or Smothering

It's true that one can learn from children. I knew about this 4 years ago when Ananya was born. I learnt to recognise when she was still hungry (even after a 20 minute feed-time limit prescribed by my doc) and when she was full after 8 minutes too. And she was the perfect baby- nursed well, slept well, played well.

So, why is it that 3 years later I am wondering what went wrong? Why is it that I am obsessed about her eating each meal well at the right time? And when am I going to be able to let go and let her start learn the meaning of hunger and learn to eat by herself? Because its high time she started, given that neither of us has the time to spend 4 hours a day feeding her.

So what if a couple of meals that she hasn't eaten well translate to an immediate and obvious loss of weight. Yes, I know I needn't worry if she is active and cheerful. Why am I still feeling guilty each time I try to enforce the "eat by yourself" rule?

And why is it that a lot of kids her age are still being fed by parents/grandparents/nannies? I sit because we don't know how to change eating habits of our children or is it something we do to pass time so we can justify to ourselves about how caring/busy we are? Isn't it time we really started living for ourselves and not for our children?

And how on earth can we expect them to learn how to eat by themselves if we don't let go? Didn't you let go of your baby when he or she was starting to crawl, walk, run, go to school? It is heartbreaking to see your baby stumble, fall and cry. But its equally heartwarming to see her tears dry up in a minute and start all over again.

I think I feel clearly now, that I really want Ananya to be independent and not have to worry about her food habits. Its time I let go of her so she can start her new activity and learn by herself. So sweetheart, its time for your new lesson. You have no idea how difficult it is going to be for me not to spoon up your lunch and feed it to you, when you return tired and sleepy from school. But I am going to persevere. And I know you are going to learn really well, lovely child, that you are.

And this is also a lesson for me. To let go. And to live for myself.

Its Ganesh Chaturthi today and I am planning on making kozhakattai now. If it turns out well, will post the results. Jinny, Ananya and I went around our neighbourhood looking for some Ganesha idols in the morning and picked a nice clay idol. We decided its time we started celebrating some important festivals given that we have settled down in our current home, for now.

I am sharing one of Ananya's favourite meals, which I plan to make for dinner tonight.

Puri and Aloo (potato) gravy

Aloo gravy

This is one of my dad's favourite side dishes, but when we were growing up, my sister and I didn't quite appreciate it. But it's one of the easiest dishes to make, especially when you don't have must time and it can be served with puris, rotis and hot rice.

4-5 medium sized potatoes boiled, peeled and cubed

1 cup ripe tomatoes chopped fine

1/2 tsp jeera (cumin) seeds

1 tbsp dhania jeera powder (see below for recipe)

1 tsp haldi (turmeric) powder

1 tsp ground chilli powder

salt, oil

finely chopped coriander for garnish

Heat 1 tbsp oil in a pan, fry jeera seeds, add the dhania jeera powder and fry for half a minute. Add the tomatoes and cook for 3-5 minutes on a medium flame. Add the haldi and chilli powder, mix well. Then add the potatoes, half a cup of water (based on required consistency of gravy). Cook for another 5-7 minutes on a low flame. Garnish with chopped coriander.

Dhania-Jeera powder

1 measure dhania (coriander) seeds

1 measure jeera (cumin) seeds

Dry roast each separately till they just begin to turn colour. Cool and grind them to a coarse/fine powder and store in an airtight container for up to 1 month. I use this to flavour quite a few simple side dishes and my cook Seema makes it every week.

Puri

1 cup wheat flour

warm water

1/2 tsp salt

Oil to fry

Knead the flour with salt and warm water, add 1 tbsp hot oil, and knead to make a soft but still ball of dough. Keep aside covered with a mildly damp cloth for 10 minutes. Make small lemon sized balls, and roll out each to 2 inch diameter. Heat oil is a deep pan (kadai). Once you have rolled out about 7-8 of them, fry the puris till cooked and keep them on some paper towels to reduce the oil content in them.